i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
