Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
