No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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