Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
