come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
