we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
