Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
