this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
