My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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