Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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