Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
