I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
