Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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