they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
