Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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