Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
