Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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