omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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