yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
