Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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