I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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