My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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