did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
