Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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