did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
