Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
