did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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