Already got asked if we're dating
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
