When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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