Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
