Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
