we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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