I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
