whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
