the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
