New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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