Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
