I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
