guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
