I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
