The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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