We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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