NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
