he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
