I hope mine doesn't look like that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i've created a new STD.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
