why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
