i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
