Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
