The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
