Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
