so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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