Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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