i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
