i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So vagazzling was a success
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
