dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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