i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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