bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
