He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
