Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im holly from the hills drunk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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