so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
someone get that fucking seahorse.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
