The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just invented taco cereal.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
