So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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