haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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