What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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