bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
