what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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