Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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