Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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