For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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