wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
